Don't Be Afraid To Be Who You Mean To Be

The cycle of suffering is constantly caused because we blame the person or situation we think is bringing us pain. How often do we spend time thinking about our current irritating person? The mention of their name and we cringe. The sound of their voice or footsteps coming near us bring instant annoyance. When asked how our day was we cannot help but bring Mr. or Miss irritating into the conversation.

And then one day a miracle occurs. Our irritating person has left the job and no longer is in our life. Within weeks we practically forget that they ever existed, let alone took up so much negative space in our life. Ahhhh, peace.


Wait: what's this? Where did this person come from? Oh no! New irritating person is here. Starting the cycle once again. Stopping us from being happy. Causing us to be in a continuous state of suffering.


And here is one of the Greatest Mistakes we make. Going after specific people and situations. Blaming them as the reason we cannot find peace The affliction will aways be there and will continue to be there even after the person is gone. We need to stop and redirect or anger. We need to put our efforts into fighting a cause that will bring about the desired result. One that will literally change who we are. We need to use our anger (or whatever affliction we are feeling) to fight our anger. We need to go after the affliction itself. Imagine a state were you never had to feel _______ again. How much clarity, creativity, virtue you would gain.


Everything we feel, think, and say plants a seed. To make changes we need to go after it like there is nothing else worth working for. When we get angry, jealous, greedy, a certain physical feeling arises in our gut or chest. This is one kind of seed. Then we start the thoughts... "I cannot believe he did this to me, said that, had the nerve to treat me this way." This is a second seed. Then we say it all out loud to the person or a friendly ear. This is another seed.


Change starts small. The feeling of anger comes up, we think the thoughts, and then maybe once in a while we do not say it out loud. Or at least stop ourselves during our self justified rant. This is a postive seed we are planting. Conscious planting to stop our anger from bringing future suffering. And then maybe we start the feeling of jealousy, but are able to redirect the thoughts as well as our words towards the happiness of all beings. And at some point we eventually never even get the feeling of anger, etc again.


This is how we change who we are. If you keep taking steps towards planting seeds of happiness, one day you will be happy. And it will be impossible to feel any sort of affliction or klesha again. Those seeds will have all sprouted. Nothing will be able to disturb your peace. And you will no longer be so self consumed with the voice inside your head: talking, complaining, thinking. Instead, there will be silence. The kind of Silence in which Freedom is created. You Will be living your life fully, every moment. Imagine what you could do, what opportunities you would see around you that you never noticed before. Imagine walking down the street being completely available to everyones needs around you. You could literally create, live in, and change the World into Perfection.


Start imagining what it would be like if you were Perfect. Eventually each one of us will become exactly that.


Geshe Michael: What would life be like without anxiety? You could make conscious choices and then just relax? 6 Billion People without anxiety."
Imagine that

Withdrawal Sucks

If suffering is optional, then how do we actually get rid of it? I recently did the Master Cleanse Detox for 10 days. I did it purely for the Detox. I wanted to get rid of poison and toxins in my body, empty out, and break the old familiar habits of things like coffee, wine, bread. Being a pretty heavy caffeine junkie I anticipated that the first couple of days might be hard. But I was not prepared for how horrible I would actually feel. The headaches were beyond painful, my tongue tasted like a combination of metal and being sick, and I was so not a good Mom for those couple of days. I laid on the couch wondering if I should just stop now while I kept the TV on for Rami so he would not want me to play with him. By day 3 or 4 I started feeling much better and then the rest of the days went smoothly. I felt lighter, happier, more present, and so on. It is funny weeks later that not only am I still not drinking caffeine, but I do not even think about it.This got me thinking about our kleshas, or mental afflictions. Anything that disturbs our peace of mind. Things like aggression, craving, ignorance, jealousy, arrogance, pride, and all of their offspring. I am willing to go through so much to get the things I want in life that I think will pay off. Yet, how often do we apply the same sort of willpower and strength towards our own happiness? Athletes, Lawyers, Farmers, Pilots, work so hard they often are willing to give up many things if they think in the end it will bring them the result they were looking for. What if we were willing to fight that hard for our own Enlightenment?

Citing from "No Time to Lose" by Pema Chodron: "The fault of the kleshas is that we welcome them. They're familiar. When we realize that we like our kleshas, we begin to understand why they have such power over us. Hatred, for example can make us fell strong and in charge. Rage makes us feel even more powerful and invulnerable. Craving and wanting can feel soothing., romantic, nostalgic. We weep over lost loves or unfulfilled daydreams. It's painfully delicious and bittersweet. Therefore, we don't even consider interrupting the flow. Ignorance is oddly comforting: we don't have to do anything, we just lay back and don't relate to what's happening around us."

For those of us who have detoxed from heavy drug use or alcohol- it is just as difficult (maybe more) to detox from our emotions. And not only do we have to decide that we no longer want our afflictions to be controlling our life, we must be willing to take control, attack them head on. Use our anger to destroy our anger. We also have to be aware of how hard it will be. Once we start the detox all of the old habits come to the surface full force and it is painful. We must stay present and continue to use our awareness to stay grounded and focused. We must use the teachings from The Sacred Texts. Books like The Kabbalah, Bhagavad Gita, The Guide to the Boddhisattvas Way of Life, The Yoga Sutras, and The Bible just to name a few.

Use the teachings to learn how to shed the layers and layers of toxic emotions we have accumulated over our lifetime. It takes a long time to become who we are in this moment. We are not looking to gain anything but we are looking to shed the toxic energy we have accumulated and when we are done we come out on the other side..... Free. Just like how now I do not even think about coffee in the morning, it will not even occur to you to be angry, attached, jealous, suffering. It will not be an option. You will have woken up from the fantasy- realizing that the world did not exist the way you previously thought. You will become Truth, who you are meant to be. Effortlessly. Do the work now and you will be planting for a happier future, able to help others in a real way, you will just know what needs to be done and you will do it. Start by being kind to yourself, patient with yourself. There is no good or bad. There is imbalance and balance. Be okay with making mistakes.

Lama Marut: "Guilt is what we feel so we don't have to feel regret. (I am such a bad person, I can't believe I did that, etc.) If you really feel bad you won't do it again. Regret changes you." Catch yourself before you are about to act and ask yourself: "IF I STRENGTHEN THIS HABIT, WILL IT BRING SUFFERING OR RELIEF?" Spend every possible moment working towards your happiness with the belief that it will pay off. Know there is no difference between you and the Buddha. We are all equally deserving of Happiness. The Buddha lived a life just like you and I. Enlightenment can be a reality for You.

Roger Kraye "Hokusai Says"

Hokusai says look carefully.

He says to pay attention, notice.

He says keep looking, stay curious.

He says there is no end to seeing....

He says everything is alive-

Shells, buildings, people, fish

Mountains, trees. Wood is alive.

Water is alive.

Everything has it's own life.

Everything lives inside us.

He says live with the world inside you...

It matters that you care.

It matters that you feel.

It matters that you notice.

It matters that life lives through you....

Look, feel, let life take you by the hand.

Let life live through you.

Angels Everywhere

I have been working with a meditation known as Metta, or Loving Kindness. It has been interesting to see without even being aware of it how I believe that certain people are more deserving of happiness than others. I definitely have struggled with self judgement and at times even self hatred in the past. Lama Marut points out that one of the most selfish things we can do is be depressed. For when we are depressed we are constantly thinking of ourselves. Do something nice for someone else and in turn we get happier. Somewhere along my recent journey, though, I stopped thinking of myself as being worthy and that I have a given right to live in a perfect paradise just like every other being does.

It all started with paying attention to my actual thoughts. It shocked me to see how many times I looked in the mirror thinking I was fat- I thought I had moved past this years ago! And then as good things would happen for me- money, job opportunities, etc. my initial reaction was always fear. Fear that I was not worthy of the money, did not have the capability to be a strong teacher, that someone would see through me and call me out for....

For what? Being bad? Being a less worthy person undeserving of happiness and success?

I realized how many negative seeds I had planted in the past and that I really need to pay attention and plant the right ones now. When living in fear we are essentially living a future life. In a society that teaches us to like ourselves is okay, but to love ourselves is an ego trip, I have fallen into this idea that I am less deserving than others. As I continued to dig deeper and really search, I realized that I, myself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve my love and affection! This is the first part of Metta. Sitting with yourself and repeating "My I be free from danger. May I have mental happiness. May I have physical happiness. May I have ease of well-being."

And I did find that for me, not much happened initially when sitting. It sometimes felt a bit silly, and at other times I even found it boring. But then, there I was going about my daily life and I misplaced my keys. Once again. Often a daily occurrence where I use it as an opportunity to call myself stupid, forgetful, etc. On this day, I laughed, thought "yes I need to pay attention and be more present, but I love you." When I first started this the idea of loving myself seemed uncomfortable, silly, and maybe even weird. At this moment it was so natural and there was not a glimpse of being undeserving.

The meditation continues to move on to replacing the "I" and thinking of other individuals. Your teacher, or most loved person; the neutral person, and then to someone you dislike or find challenging. In the past I have worked with this whole group at once. But here I am taking at least a week at minimum (hm hm maybe more) working with one particular person until I am out in the world and love them the way I love my most beloved people. You see, the Buddha teaches that we are all worthy and that we can love all beings the same seeing no difference between us. By practicing, we begin to close the gap between those we love most and those we dislike or find irritating. Let's just remember that you are also in that group of being worthy of love as well.

"All beings are the owners of their karma. Their happiness and unhappiness depend on their actions, not on my wishes for them." The Buddha

Plant the right seeds now and there will come a time in the future where you will see only Angels everywhere, including when looking in the mirror.

Not Getting Angry Back

As my son grows from a baby to a boy it has been interesting to see the interaction change between the two of us. Until recently he was completely dependant on me, almost as if we were one and the same. Now as he is realizing he has an existence separate form mine he also understands he can make his own choices. Even though I say no, he tests me. Faster than I can look he is doing things like jumping on the coffee table. Not only does he get on, but once he is there he breaks out in a sort of celebration dance and song seemingly to rub it in.

I am constantly looking at my son as an amazingly speedy way to clear out old negative karma. I am being tested in patience, anger, exhaustion, and so much more. Along with this there is the greatest sense of constant gratitude and understanding of what is important. I have never felt a love like this. Recently, at a talk with Lama Marut- he was telling the story of when he took his vows and his children were there. One of the vows is renouncing your family life. His children were understandably concerned that he would not love them anymore. He explained in such a beautiful way- He was not going to love them less, he actually was now going to learn to love everyone as much as he loves them. Since the birth of my son that is what I have been grateful for everyday- he showed me how to truly love. Now I can take that out into the world and love everyone else better as I continue on my journey. For all the times I may lose my patience, there are so many other times I just let things go in a way I would not if it were someone else.

Though lately, I am finding myself angry at Rami for not listening, challenging me, and not being able to figure out what it is he wants. Up until this point, I have not been angry at him ever. And here is where it becomes a true lesson: How can I make sure I do not continue to recreate these causes in future? Sometimes when Rami is dancing on the table I laugh, other times I am furious. I think it can be a bit easier with a child to get a handle on your anger because there is an understanding that they are learning and developing their own personalities. They are not aware of what they are doing. With adults, we consider them manipulative or deliberate, maybe mean-selfish-etc. We blame them and this fuels our anger even further. So the Great Mistake, you see, is that in these moments we blame the other for making us feel a certain way. We are so sure we know what they are thinking. In turn, we give away our responsibility of anger to them. It is now all their fault. At times, we even rally our friends for validation that it is the other persons fault and we have every right to be mad.

And here is why we continue to suffer. "Ignorance is not that we don't know- it is that we think we know and we are wrong" (Lama Marut)

One of my favorite descriptions of Karma and Emptiness is the example of being hit with a stick. If you are walking and happen to stub your toe on the coffee table, you don't get mad at the table for hurting you. Well, we may have a moment where we scream and yell, but then we stop. We realize it is silly to yell at an inanimate object for hurting us. Now let's take a person with a stick hitting you- we don't get mad at the stick, but boy do we get mad at the person. And the crucial part in all of this is that it is just as absurd to get mad at the person as it is the table. With an understanding of karma and emptiness- knowing that all things that happen are because of a seed we planted in the past- we see it has nothing to do with the person. Both circumstances are simply a past negative karmic seed ripening in the present. When we really can get this it becomes clear that the worst thing we could do is get mad at what is seeming to cause us pain. Admittedly, it is much more challenging with a person hitting us than a coffee table. However, with an understanding of reality and how things really work, it become easier to not yell back, hit back, etc. We start to see there is no difference between the two seemingly different circumstances.

Imagine what it would be like to never get angry again. To be completely patient, peaceful, and happy no matter what is happening around us. It is possible. Belief in that is necessary. If you want to truly be happy, start here- practice not getting angry back. I will be right there with you- starting with my tiny little dancer- who happens to be (surprise!) on the coffee table right now.....

Impermanence

According to Tibetan Buddhism, a Gakja is a self existent thing which could never exist, but because you believe in it you suffer. When people stop and think about it, it seems logical that things will change. Yet, in a moment of dis-ease it is not often that we stop to consider this very thing. We take for granted that people will always be there. This is the exact reason that our friendships slowly turn into estrangements. When we fall in love we expect that feeling to always last. When we are full of anxiety, worried about money, or suffering beyond words we cannot see in that moment that it will not always be that way.

A produced thing does not last. If something is produced it must die. It is the same with karmic seeds. The moment anything comes into existence; be it a seed in the ground- a child being born-, or a feeling like anxiety, jealousy, anger, fear, or pleasure it is one step closer to ending.

The problem with our mental afflictions is that we strongly identify with them. The longer we identify with it the more it becomes a habit. Habits become who we are. We need to learn how to rewire to become the person we are destined to be. The law of karma functions by saying that we have zero control over what is happening to us in the present moment. The present moment is a previous result of a cause from the past. If we want to change and rewire our future, we must change our reaction to those things in the present. All we have in our present moment is our discipline. Go to it for refuge. As Lama Marut says, "Begin to redirect your energy that used to run amock in your mental afflictions." The way you have previously associated with these energies has been unhelpful.

The purpose of yoga is to create a perfectly happy being. You know what to give up and what to take up when you achieve yoga. When we can sit and watch our feelings, we can see how true impermanence is. When we believe that things will last forever; like our relationships, jobs, or financial situation we are ultimately disappointed. When we can connect to the feeling of impermanence we understand that the feeling must change. It will change in an instant, it is short lived. This is great to think about when things are not going right. Relax into reality. Things are going to change. "This too will pass." Things are empty of being permanent.

So the question is "Are we ever unhappy because we are mistaking changing things for unchanging things?" Because we mistake changing things for unchanging things we suffer. So what can we do? Relax into the present and garden for the future.

From Lama Maruts' Mahamudra Reading:

Example of a Meditation on Impermanence:

"I think this feeling of unhappiness will last for a while. But really, the rise and fall of a moment of emotion is just like the rising and fading sounds of a plane passing overhead- it comes and goes quickly, and even in the space of its short existence it is constantly changing by degrees, from softer to louder to softer, etc."

I was in the grocery store last week doing some food shopping with my son. At times, I have a tendency to get irritated by people not being aware of how much space they take up in the aisles. Having a logical understanding that 100% of everything is coming from me has helped me to change this experience, but I do not have it mastered yet....



There was a woman who turned down the aisle I was headed toward and cut me off. Instantly I was filled with dislike for her. She then stood in front of the exact section I needed and did not move. I stood there trying to be patient, but inside my blood was boiling. It was like a cartoon picture appeared in front of me and she was standing there with her arms spread out wide and laughing, deliberately blocking me. I then started to think she may not even notice me which immediately got me even more irritated. She finally moved, I got my peanut butter, and continued shopping.



Throughout my trip I saw her a few more times. Every time something inside me would cringe and I would change my direction so to not have to be in the same aisle with her. In between the sightings I started to think that there was nothing this woman did that I should have such irritation towards her. I saw her later with her elderly Father and immediately thought how she was someones' daughter and she deserves to be happy, loved, and continue on her journey safely. As I thought further it was interesting to see that this woman probably thought nothing of me and here I was hurting only myself by having such an unpleasant experience.



Practicing flipping my label of her from unpleasant to pleasant helped me to create the causes for a perfect paradise. Because my perspective is blank not only can I learn to see her differently, I can literally become whomever I want to be.



She is not the label and neither am I. As I left the store I had a softer place in my heart for this stranger. Wanting her to be happy and safe is a much sweeter way to live than being irritated and annoyed. (Thank you Michael Hewitt)



As I got home I thought further about this stranger. She deliberately cut me off. She doesn't see me or have respect for me. She has no awareness of the people around her and what they are looking for.



Where could this come from? I deliberately cut people off. I don't see others or have respect for them. I have no awareness of the people around me and what their needs are.



We deliberately cut people off, We do not have respect for others, We have no awareness of the people around us and what their needs are.



If everything is a mirror then what I was seeing was me. Not me all the time, but me at a time in the past. I then had to get honest with myself and think about all the times I am self absorbed and unaware of those around me. Not present to be able to help fulfill their needs and make their dreams come true. When these things happen, you see how your world will change by catching yourself in these moments. Be honest about who you are, take 100% responsibility for your present world, and choose to react differently to literally create a perfect world for you.



Michael Hewitt- "There are as many different universes in this room as there are people." All of you who read this plus me= how many different Shannons' there are. Everything is blank so everything is pure potential.



Happiness is not gaining anything, it is a cessation of our mental afflictions. Stop looking at things ignorantly, and you will create your Heaven right here on Earth.

Thank you Kelly Morris and Michael Hewitt for sharing the teachings and such amazing wisdom this past week!

The Secret to Happiness

I was listening to the radio yesterday and the hosts were talking about a study on happiness. This study said that the happiest people were on average 74 yrs old. Then, throughout the hour they had people who considered themselves happy call and talk about what their secret was. How lucky for those of us who make it to age 74. I am not there and may never be, but I imagine at that point in your life you cannot avoid thinking about death. And thinking about death brings a clarity about happiness unlike anything else.

Thinking about my own happiness, I started to look back over the last few years and really see how things have changed. It is said that happiness comes from within, and I have given many talks on this topic. It actually was great to see that I can honestly say that I am happy. Maybe peaceful is an even better description. Things outside have not really changed. Although, I am married now and have a 1 year old son. The day to day things like money, time, traffic, etc that used to be "problems" in my life have not gone away. It is how I see them that is different.

One of the greatest changes in how I see my world comes from thinking about Death. Not as a morbid thing but as an actual fact. Many of us do not like to talk about this. Death is certain. Not thinking about it does not make it go away. Then, when someone in our life dies we are shocked and cannot believe that this has happened. If we are being honest, what did we really expect? Reminding ourselves that death is certain keeps us from wasting our time being upset with others about meaningless things. Thinking about death is not depressing. It is what brings us our own happiness. Waking in the morning as if each day could be your last keeps us really clear about what matters. We become kinder, more compassionate, patient, and generous.

Death can come at any time. We have no idea when it will happen. We tend to think that we have a lot of time left. But, as Lama Marut likes to point out, there is no average lifespan for any individual. This kind of thought process gets us moving now. There is no waiting to call our friends, volunteer for the needy, or start that project we always wanted to do. The time is now. Every moment counts because today really could be your last. You will never let your loved ones leave with you being angry, your relationships will be strong, and you will not waste your time irritated at your coworker for being so irritating.

Every moment you have left is a miracle. Much unhappiness comes from not appreciating what we have and in some way thinking it will last forever. Live every moment as if it were your last and you will be happy. This is the secret.

Part of Something Greater

I was at a teaching on Mahamudra last week with Michael Hewitt and loved something he said about when we are aligned. Michael was speaking a bit about moving our energy (winds, prana, chi) from the side channels into our central channel. The side channels are where we experience things like jealousy, anger, sadness, anxiety, etc. When we move the energy into the central channel I loved how he said that we just know what to do and we do it. It is like when artists write songs or paint. It can be called peak performance in the corporate environment, and in sports it is known as the zone.

I thought this was such a great analogy because I think we all have experienced moments or glimpses like this at some point. It makes so much sense to think of it this way because things become so clear and easy. When we are in the zone we are fully present. We know what needs to be done and we do it. It does not mean it will not be hard work and that we will not need help from others. In fact if you think of it in terms of "the zone" it is very hard work. There are things we need to do to prepare. In yoga it's the 8 limbs, in Buddhism there is study and meditation. Happiness, which happens in the central channel, does not happen by mistake or just one day for no reason. It happens by being disciplined and working hard.

I was in a yoga class with Kim Kemper a few days ago and the teacher read a story about birds and why they fly in a V formation. I am going to attach the link. I thought it was a beautiful story and described what it is like when we are aligned. When the winds are in the central channel we all know our job, how to work with others, take care of others, be the most efficient, and be present. Even though we are all individuals we are all part of something greater. Hope you enjoy it..... http://hubpages.com/hub/Birds-Fly-In-V-Formation

Karma

I have really been spending a lot of time meditating and thinking about Karma. Being honest in my meditations means that I have to be honest about the reality of why things are happening in my life. One of my favorite things my teacher, Lama Marut says, is that we can either believe in karma or not. Most of us choose to buy into it only when good things happen to us or to those we like. Or when bad things happen to those we don't. When bad things happen we don't stop to think that it could be karma and we are working out an old past deed. When good things happen we think "It's about time- I totally deserve this."


We would all believe in karma 100% if there was not "the gap." Karma operates on the law of cause and effect. Things would be so much easier if when we killed a spider our arm would immediately break. But that is not how things work. We have no idea when the effect will happen. And when it does we often cannot connect it back to something we might have done previously.


During the gap between cause and effect the seed grows larger. So whatever it is we do in the past comes back at us in greater force by the time the seed ripens. The good news is that this is a universal law so when we do a positive action in the past it comes back at us greater in the future as well.


But now for the really hard part- when we are in the middle of a negative experience how can we actually stop ourselves from responding the way we usually do? We have absolutely zero control over what is happening to us in the present. The present is simply past karmic seeds ripening. What we do have control over is how we react. Can we stop ourselves from doing the same thing we did in the past that brought us this negative experience?



Can we 100% take credit for EVERYTHING that is happening in our life in the present? Can we begin to play with the idea that EVERYTHING is coming from us and nothing is coming at us. That may seem extreme in a world where we are so used to blaming others and the outside world for our challenges and problems. But what if I were to say that according to Tibetan Buddhism literally our entire world is coming from us. If we change our minds we can change our world. Nirvana and Samsara are in the same place. Think about it as a possibility and next time we will go deeper into how to change our future karma through meditation and monitoring ourselves throughout the day.



Whether any of this resonates or not, I ask that you think about it. Meditate on it. Is everything completely random? Is everything under the control of God? Is it possible to create the exact future you want by making the right choices in the present?