Resistance

Transforming yourself is a process as is anything else in life. In order to begin this process we must be clear on what we are wanting to transform into. We often start something, wish for something, and then change our mind towards a new desire confusing the Universe. We sit around wondering why we never get what we want- when the truth is what we want today is completely different than what we were working for in the past.

It is important to spend time sitting with this idea of Potential. What are we looking to Create? Brahma is the first phase of any idea or dream. Be clear about what you want- Dream bigger than you can imagine. This is not a logical exercise in what we think is possible. It is your biggest dreams with intention. You don't have to see it as possible right away, but don't limit your imagination. We often look at those we admire and see how their Dream may have come true but we don't see it as possible for us. As soon as we limit something- we shut out the possibility of it ever manifesting. Once Brahma has been created we must not get stuck here dreaming and wishing. We need to move to the next phase, Vishnu~ Right Action.

What steps can we take to start the process of making our desires come true? It is helpful to walk through your day listening, not looking or grasping for answers. If you listen and pay attention you will find there are opportunities all around you that you probably never noticed. We must act and work for what we desire. But not the way we may typically think of working hard- like at a job we can't stand for 12 hours a day to make money to be able to buy the things we want, and never get to enjoy any of it- including our family. Work hard and act towards your purpose with intention. We are all here for something and when you tap into your passion- it is this that completes us. See it as service- offering something meaningful to others. We can also get stuck in this phase~ working and working and never letting go. There can be tendency to grasp and try and control/direct which again limits the potential of what could be.

The third phase of any thing we do is Shiva- letting go. We must know when to step back- we have done the work and here is where we allow manifestation to occur. This is where we get to see all we have dreamed of come to fruition. We need to surrender and go with it. No longer resisting or forcing, allow the potential to develop. "Practice does not make perfect. Practicing perfection makes perfect." Lama Marut

Then we start again with Brahma, Creation- the cycle continues. If we can look at all things as being in one of these three phases we can understand the present along with the honesty and integrity in our journey. We dream big- upper Chakra dreams. Then we have to come back to foundation- ground into Earth. Create a container to build a solid, long lasting structure. Then we let go and allow the structure to grow larger than we ever dreamed possible. Ahh, Jivamukti.

When we resist we have caused immediate limitation. I often find myself thinking that I could not be what my biggest dreams imagine. I see now that as soon as I write it off I have stopped the possibility that it can ever be. "If it is true that we are our thoughts then when we limit we shut abundance out of out life. We stop possibility in its tracks." (Tara Judelle)

I want to share a quote from my Amazing Aunt Josie- the reason I became a yoga Teacher. Thank you for all of your inspiration, without knowing it you have given me the greatest gift by being you. "No matter what age you are, or what your circumstances might be, you are special, and still have something to offer. Your life, because of who you are, has meaning. peace and love-Josie"

Don't Be Afraid To Be Who You Mean To Be

The cycle of suffering is constantly caused because we blame the person or situation we think is bringing us pain. How often do we spend time thinking about our current irritating person? The mention of their name and we cringe. The sound of their voice or footsteps coming near us bring instant annoyance. When asked how our day was we cannot help but bring Mr. or Miss irritating into the conversation.

And then one day a miracle occurs. Our irritating person has left the job and no longer is in our life. Within weeks we practically forget that they ever existed, let alone took up so much negative space in our life. Ahhhh, peace.


Wait: what's this? Where did this person come from? Oh no! New irritating person is here. Starting the cycle once again. Stopping us from being happy. Causing us to be in a continuous state of suffering.


And here is one of the Greatest Mistakes we make. Going after specific people and situations. Blaming them as the reason we cannot find peace The affliction will aways be there and will continue to be there even after the person is gone. We need to stop and redirect or anger. We need to put our efforts into fighting a cause that will bring about the desired result. One that will literally change who we are. We need to use our anger (or whatever affliction we are feeling) to fight our anger. We need to go after the affliction itself. Imagine a state were you never had to feel _______ again. How much clarity, creativity, virtue you would gain.


Everything we feel, think, and say plants a seed. To make changes we need to go after it like there is nothing else worth working for. When we get angry, jealous, greedy, a certain physical feeling arises in our gut or chest. This is one kind of seed. Then we start the thoughts... "I cannot believe he did this to me, said that, had the nerve to treat me this way." This is a second seed. Then we say it all out loud to the person or a friendly ear. This is another seed.


Change starts small. The feeling of anger comes up, we think the thoughts, and then maybe once in a while we do not say it out loud. Or at least stop ourselves during our self justified rant. This is a postive seed we are planting. Conscious planting to stop our anger from bringing future suffering. And then maybe we start the feeling of jealousy, but are able to redirect the thoughts as well as our words towards the happiness of all beings. And at some point we eventually never even get the feeling of anger, etc again.


This is how we change who we are. If you keep taking steps towards planting seeds of happiness, one day you will be happy. And it will be impossible to feel any sort of affliction or klesha again. Those seeds will have all sprouted. Nothing will be able to disturb your peace. And you will no longer be so self consumed with the voice inside your head: talking, complaining, thinking. Instead, there will be silence. The kind of Silence in which Freedom is created. You Will be living your life fully, every moment. Imagine what you could do, what opportunities you would see around you that you never noticed before. Imagine walking down the street being completely available to everyones needs around you. You could literally create, live in, and change the World into Perfection.


Start imagining what it would be like if you were Perfect. Eventually each one of us will become exactly that.


Geshe Michael: What would life be like without anxiety? You could make conscious choices and then just relax? 6 Billion People without anxiety."
Imagine that

Withdrawal Sucks

If suffering is optional, then how do we actually get rid of it? I recently did the Master Cleanse Detox for 10 days. I did it purely for the Detox. I wanted to get rid of poison and toxins in my body, empty out, and break the old familiar habits of things like coffee, wine, bread. Being a pretty heavy caffeine junkie I anticipated that the first couple of days might be hard. But I was not prepared for how horrible I would actually feel. The headaches were beyond painful, my tongue tasted like a combination of metal and being sick, and I was so not a good Mom for those couple of days. I laid on the couch wondering if I should just stop now while I kept the TV on for Rami so he would not want me to play with him. By day 3 or 4 I started feeling much better and then the rest of the days went smoothly. I felt lighter, happier, more present, and so on. It is funny weeks later that not only am I still not drinking caffeine, but I do not even think about it.This got me thinking about our kleshas, or mental afflictions. Anything that disturbs our peace of mind. Things like aggression, craving, ignorance, jealousy, arrogance, pride, and all of their offspring. I am willing to go through so much to get the things I want in life that I think will pay off. Yet, how often do we apply the same sort of willpower and strength towards our own happiness? Athletes, Lawyers, Farmers, Pilots, work so hard they often are willing to give up many things if they think in the end it will bring them the result they were looking for. What if we were willing to fight that hard for our own Enlightenment?

Citing from "No Time to Lose" by Pema Chodron: "The fault of the kleshas is that we welcome them. They're familiar. When we realize that we like our kleshas, we begin to understand why they have such power over us. Hatred, for example can make us fell strong and in charge. Rage makes us feel even more powerful and invulnerable. Craving and wanting can feel soothing., romantic, nostalgic. We weep over lost loves or unfulfilled daydreams. It's painfully delicious and bittersweet. Therefore, we don't even consider interrupting the flow. Ignorance is oddly comforting: we don't have to do anything, we just lay back and don't relate to what's happening around us."

For those of us who have detoxed from heavy drug use or alcohol- it is just as difficult (maybe more) to detox from our emotions. And not only do we have to decide that we no longer want our afflictions to be controlling our life, we must be willing to take control, attack them head on. Use our anger to destroy our anger. We also have to be aware of how hard it will be. Once we start the detox all of the old habits come to the surface full force and it is painful. We must stay present and continue to use our awareness to stay grounded and focused. We must use the teachings from The Sacred Texts. Books like The Kabbalah, Bhagavad Gita, The Guide to the Boddhisattvas Way of Life, The Yoga Sutras, and The Bible just to name a few.

Use the teachings to learn how to shed the layers and layers of toxic emotions we have accumulated over our lifetime. It takes a long time to become who we are in this moment. We are not looking to gain anything but we are looking to shed the toxic energy we have accumulated and when we are done we come out on the other side..... Free. Just like how now I do not even think about coffee in the morning, it will not even occur to you to be angry, attached, jealous, suffering. It will not be an option. You will have woken up from the fantasy- realizing that the world did not exist the way you previously thought. You will become Truth, who you are meant to be. Effortlessly. Do the work now and you will be planting for a happier future, able to help others in a real way, you will just know what needs to be done and you will do it. Start by being kind to yourself, patient with yourself. There is no good or bad. There is imbalance and balance. Be okay with making mistakes.

Lama Marut: "Guilt is what we feel so we don't have to feel regret. (I am such a bad person, I can't believe I did that, etc.) If you really feel bad you won't do it again. Regret changes you." Catch yourself before you are about to act and ask yourself: "IF I STRENGTHEN THIS HABIT, WILL IT BRING SUFFERING OR RELIEF?" Spend every possible moment working towards your happiness with the belief that it will pay off. Know there is no difference between you and the Buddha. We are all equally deserving of Happiness. The Buddha lived a life just like you and I. Enlightenment can be a reality for You.

Roger Kraye "Hokusai Says"

Hokusai says look carefully.

He says to pay attention, notice.

He says keep looking, stay curious.

He says there is no end to seeing....

He says everything is alive-

Shells, buildings, people, fish

Mountains, trees. Wood is alive.

Water is alive.

Everything has it's own life.

Everything lives inside us.

He says live with the world inside you...

It matters that you care.

It matters that you feel.

It matters that you notice.

It matters that life lives through you....

Look, feel, let life take you by the hand.

Let life live through you.

Angels Everywhere

I have been working with a meditation known as Metta, or Loving Kindness. It has been interesting to see without even being aware of it how I believe that certain people are more deserving of happiness than others. I definitely have struggled with self judgement and at times even self hatred in the past. Lama Marut points out that one of the most selfish things we can do is be depressed. For when we are depressed we are constantly thinking of ourselves. Do something nice for someone else and in turn we get happier. Somewhere along my recent journey, though, I stopped thinking of myself as being worthy and that I have a given right to live in a perfect paradise just like every other being does.

It all started with paying attention to my actual thoughts. It shocked me to see how many times I looked in the mirror thinking I was fat- I thought I had moved past this years ago! And then as good things would happen for me- money, job opportunities, etc. my initial reaction was always fear. Fear that I was not worthy of the money, did not have the capability to be a strong teacher, that someone would see through me and call me out for....

For what? Being bad? Being a less worthy person undeserving of happiness and success?

I realized how many negative seeds I had planted in the past and that I really need to pay attention and plant the right ones now. When living in fear we are essentially living a future life. In a society that teaches us to like ourselves is okay, but to love ourselves is an ego trip, I have fallen into this idea that I am less deserving than others. As I continued to dig deeper and really search, I realized that I, myself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve my love and affection! This is the first part of Metta. Sitting with yourself and repeating "My I be free from danger. May I have mental happiness. May I have physical happiness. May I have ease of well-being."

And I did find that for me, not much happened initially when sitting. It sometimes felt a bit silly, and at other times I even found it boring. But then, there I was going about my daily life and I misplaced my keys. Once again. Often a daily occurrence where I use it as an opportunity to call myself stupid, forgetful, etc. On this day, I laughed, thought "yes I need to pay attention and be more present, but I love you." When I first started this the idea of loving myself seemed uncomfortable, silly, and maybe even weird. At this moment it was so natural and there was not a glimpse of being undeserving.

The meditation continues to move on to replacing the "I" and thinking of other individuals. Your teacher, or most loved person; the neutral person, and then to someone you dislike or find challenging. In the past I have worked with this whole group at once. But here I am taking at least a week at minimum (hm hm maybe more) working with one particular person until I am out in the world and love them the way I love my most beloved people. You see, the Buddha teaches that we are all worthy and that we can love all beings the same seeing no difference between us. By practicing, we begin to close the gap between those we love most and those we dislike or find irritating. Let's just remember that you are also in that group of being worthy of love as well.

"All beings are the owners of their karma. Their happiness and unhappiness depend on their actions, not on my wishes for them." The Buddha

Plant the right seeds now and there will come a time in the future where you will see only Angels everywhere, including when looking in the mirror.

Not Getting Angry Back

As my son grows from a baby to a boy it has been interesting to see the interaction change between the two of us. Until recently he was completely dependant on me, almost as if we were one and the same. Now as he is realizing he has an existence separate form mine he also understands he can make his own choices. Even though I say no, he tests me. Faster than I can look he is doing things like jumping on the coffee table. Not only does he get on, but once he is there he breaks out in a sort of celebration dance and song seemingly to rub it in.

I am constantly looking at my son as an amazingly speedy way to clear out old negative karma. I am being tested in patience, anger, exhaustion, and so much more. Along with this there is the greatest sense of constant gratitude and understanding of what is important. I have never felt a love like this. Recently, at a talk with Lama Marut- he was telling the story of when he took his vows and his children were there. One of the vows is renouncing your family life. His children were understandably concerned that he would not love them anymore. He explained in such a beautiful way- He was not going to love them less, he actually was now going to learn to love everyone as much as he loves them. Since the birth of my son that is what I have been grateful for everyday- he showed me how to truly love. Now I can take that out into the world and love everyone else better as I continue on my journey. For all the times I may lose my patience, there are so many other times I just let things go in a way I would not if it were someone else.

Though lately, I am finding myself angry at Rami for not listening, challenging me, and not being able to figure out what it is he wants. Up until this point, I have not been angry at him ever. And here is where it becomes a true lesson: How can I make sure I do not continue to recreate these causes in future? Sometimes when Rami is dancing on the table I laugh, other times I am furious. I think it can be a bit easier with a child to get a handle on your anger because there is an understanding that they are learning and developing their own personalities. They are not aware of what they are doing. With adults, we consider them manipulative or deliberate, maybe mean-selfish-etc. We blame them and this fuels our anger even further. So the Great Mistake, you see, is that in these moments we blame the other for making us feel a certain way. We are so sure we know what they are thinking. In turn, we give away our responsibility of anger to them. It is now all their fault. At times, we even rally our friends for validation that it is the other persons fault and we have every right to be mad.

And here is why we continue to suffer. "Ignorance is not that we don't know- it is that we think we know and we are wrong" (Lama Marut)

One of my favorite descriptions of Karma and Emptiness is the example of being hit with a stick. If you are walking and happen to stub your toe on the coffee table, you don't get mad at the table for hurting you. Well, we may have a moment where we scream and yell, but then we stop. We realize it is silly to yell at an inanimate object for hurting us. Now let's take a person with a stick hitting you- we don't get mad at the stick, but boy do we get mad at the person. And the crucial part in all of this is that it is just as absurd to get mad at the person as it is the table. With an understanding of karma and emptiness- knowing that all things that happen are because of a seed we planted in the past- we see it has nothing to do with the person. Both circumstances are simply a past negative karmic seed ripening in the present. When we really can get this it becomes clear that the worst thing we could do is get mad at what is seeming to cause us pain. Admittedly, it is much more challenging with a person hitting us than a coffee table. However, with an understanding of reality and how things really work, it become easier to not yell back, hit back, etc. We start to see there is no difference between the two seemingly different circumstances.

Imagine what it would be like to never get angry again. To be completely patient, peaceful, and happy no matter what is happening around us. It is possible. Belief in that is necessary. If you want to truly be happy, start here- practice not getting angry back. I will be right there with you- starting with my tiny little dancer- who happens to be (surprise!) on the coffee table right now.....

Impermanence

According to Tibetan Buddhism, a Gakja is a self existent thing which could never exist, but because you believe in it you suffer. When people stop and think about it, it seems logical that things will change. Yet, in a moment of dis-ease it is not often that we stop to consider this very thing. We take for granted that people will always be there. This is the exact reason that our friendships slowly turn into estrangements. When we fall in love we expect that feeling to always last. When we are full of anxiety, worried about money, or suffering beyond words we cannot see in that moment that it will not always be that way.

A produced thing does not last. If something is produced it must die. It is the same with karmic seeds. The moment anything comes into existence; be it a seed in the ground- a child being born-, or a feeling like anxiety, jealousy, anger, fear, or pleasure it is one step closer to ending.

The problem with our mental afflictions is that we strongly identify with them. The longer we identify with it the more it becomes a habit. Habits become who we are. We need to learn how to rewire to become the person we are destined to be. The law of karma functions by saying that we have zero control over what is happening to us in the present moment. The present moment is a previous result of a cause from the past. If we want to change and rewire our future, we must change our reaction to those things in the present. All we have in our present moment is our discipline. Go to it for refuge. As Lama Marut says, "Begin to redirect your energy that used to run amock in your mental afflictions." The way you have previously associated with these energies has been unhelpful.

The purpose of yoga is to create a perfectly happy being. You know what to give up and what to take up when you achieve yoga. When we can sit and watch our feelings, we can see how true impermanence is. When we believe that things will last forever; like our relationships, jobs, or financial situation we are ultimately disappointed. When we can connect to the feeling of impermanence we understand that the feeling must change. It will change in an instant, it is short lived. This is great to think about when things are not going right. Relax into reality. Things are going to change. "This too will pass." Things are empty of being permanent.

So the question is "Are we ever unhappy because we are mistaking changing things for unchanging things?" Because we mistake changing things for unchanging things we suffer. So what can we do? Relax into the present and garden for the future.

From Lama Maruts' Mahamudra Reading:

Example of a Meditation on Impermanence:

"I think this feeling of unhappiness will last for a while. But really, the rise and fall of a moment of emotion is just like the rising and fading sounds of a plane passing overhead- it comes and goes quickly, and even in the space of its short existence it is constantly changing by degrees, from softer to louder to softer, etc."

I was in the grocery store last week doing some food shopping with my son. At times, I have a tendency to get irritated by people not being aware of how much space they take up in the aisles. Having a logical understanding that 100% of everything is coming from me has helped me to change this experience, but I do not have it mastered yet....



There was a woman who turned down the aisle I was headed toward and cut me off. Instantly I was filled with dislike for her. She then stood in front of the exact section I needed and did not move. I stood there trying to be patient, but inside my blood was boiling. It was like a cartoon picture appeared in front of me and she was standing there with her arms spread out wide and laughing, deliberately blocking me. I then started to think she may not even notice me which immediately got me even more irritated. She finally moved, I got my peanut butter, and continued shopping.



Throughout my trip I saw her a few more times. Every time something inside me would cringe and I would change my direction so to not have to be in the same aisle with her. In between the sightings I started to think that there was nothing this woman did that I should have such irritation towards her. I saw her later with her elderly Father and immediately thought how she was someones' daughter and she deserves to be happy, loved, and continue on her journey safely. As I thought further it was interesting to see that this woman probably thought nothing of me and here I was hurting only myself by having such an unpleasant experience.



Practicing flipping my label of her from unpleasant to pleasant helped me to create the causes for a perfect paradise. Because my perspective is blank not only can I learn to see her differently, I can literally become whomever I want to be.



She is not the label and neither am I. As I left the store I had a softer place in my heart for this stranger. Wanting her to be happy and safe is a much sweeter way to live than being irritated and annoyed. (Thank you Michael Hewitt)



As I got home I thought further about this stranger. She deliberately cut me off. She doesn't see me or have respect for me. She has no awareness of the people around her and what they are looking for.



Where could this come from? I deliberately cut people off. I don't see others or have respect for them. I have no awareness of the people around me and what their needs are.



We deliberately cut people off, We do not have respect for others, We have no awareness of the people around us and what their needs are.



If everything is a mirror then what I was seeing was me. Not me all the time, but me at a time in the past. I then had to get honest with myself and think about all the times I am self absorbed and unaware of those around me. Not present to be able to help fulfill their needs and make their dreams come true. When these things happen, you see how your world will change by catching yourself in these moments. Be honest about who you are, take 100% responsibility for your present world, and choose to react differently to literally create a perfect world for you.



Michael Hewitt- "There are as many different universes in this room as there are people." All of you who read this plus me= how many different Shannons' there are. Everything is blank so everything is pure potential.



Happiness is not gaining anything, it is a cessation of our mental afflictions. Stop looking at things ignorantly, and you will create your Heaven right here on Earth.

Thank you Kelly Morris and Michael Hewitt for sharing the teachings and such amazing wisdom this past week!